What is Ruder than Not Responding to a RSVP?

R.S.V.P. stands for "répondez, s'il vous plaît," a French phrase, meaning "please reply." This acronym is commonly found on invitations to any number of formal and informal gatherings. It is a simple request from the host/hostess to aid them in planning the event for the comfort and enjoyment of their guests.

There are a few common variations of this request: ‘RSVP’, ‘Regrets Only’, and ‘Please Reply with Number of Guests’. Usually a date, or deadline, is associated with the need for a response. Additionally, the invitation will tell guests how to respond: email, phone, text, social media, etcetera. Regardless of how a request for a response is worded, it is expected that the recipient will reply on time and in the manner which was requested.

Also keep in mind who the invitation was extended to; in other words, only those specifically addressed on the invitation are invited. The recipient should not assume they can bring a date, friend, or children unless the invite specifically says so!

Do all invitations require a response? Certainly not. However, if you are asked to R.S.V.P., it is common courtesy to let the host/hostess know if you will attend the event or not.

Imagine you are the party or event planner. You need to make arrangements for the proper number of seats, the appropriate amount of food and beverages. These things must be ordered or shopped for in advance. If you are using a caterer, they likely require a final head count a week in advance. If you are preparing the food yourself, it takes time to plan the menu, make a shopping list, purchase all necessary ingredients, prepare the food, and make a seating chart. Therefore, it is important to know how many guests to expect.

Now, imagine it is one week before your event, the R.S.V.P. due date, and you have only heard back from four out of 25 invited guests. What do you do? Prepare food for four guests? Prepare food for 25 guests? Set the table for four? Arrange for seating for 25? Purchase two bottles of wine or a case of wine? Use your china because you own eight place settings? Rent table ware for 25?

As you can see, there are a number of important reasons to respond to an invitation when asked. So, what is ruder than NOT replying? Asking the host/hostess after the RSVP deadline if you can still attend the event is ruder. They have already assumed you are not attending because of your lack of a timely response and have planned accordingly. Now there may be a need to rearrange plans to accommodate extra people.

So, what is ruder than NOT replying or replying late with the expectation you are still welcome? Showing up unexpected is ruder and derails all the planning. The host/hostess must take the attention off of those who were expected (because they replied) to find seating, food, beverages, plates, and glasses for the extra, unexpected guest.

Do not ever assume that one more person doesn’t matter. If five people show up with that attitude, it just may be the host/hostess that have to go without in order to make the unexpected guests feel welcome. Rude behavior will be remembered and the offender’s image and reputation will be affected.

Be polite, graciously accept or decline invitations by the date requested, and in the manner requested.

©Professional Etiquette Consulting LLC